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Chapter 14
Yuichi woke up that morning to a very unpleasant scene, now as it was his custom, he went out on the balcony to breathe in a bit of the fresh morning air. But on this particular morning nothing could have prepared him for the scene he saw unfolding in front of his very own eyes, he knew that Ueda was a cutter...but he never actually saw him do it before as the only one to actually witness it was Koki, naturally he freaked out.
“ Oh my....Ueda, what in name of great cesar's ghost are you doing?” But he knew that trying to grab the knife would make things worse.
“ What? This?” Ueda holds up the knife and Yuichi can see the blood dripping from the blade’s tip as Ueda turned it so it glinted in the morning sun.
“ Yes, that.”
“ I am releasing the tension I have been feeling ever since I had that dream, it doesn’t hurt as much as you think it does....but then again....I have been doing this for quite some time so I have become accustomed to the pain.” Ueda said thoughtfully as continued what he was doing as if he was never interrupted and Yuichi thought Koki had issues.
At that moment the other three came in and just watched as Ueda continued to cut his arm, no one said or did anything to stop him.
“ I see he’s trying to keep everything from destroying him, again?” Junno and Kame said at the same time, Maru and Koki just nodded.
“ Though he’s going a bit deeper than usual, another nightmare again, maru?” Koki asked
“ How did you know?”
“ I used to room with him remember?”
“ Oh yeah, I forgot.”
As the others were turning to leave Ueda to finish what he was doing, though they did make a mental note to talk to him later, Jin picked that moment to come into Ueda's and Yuichi’s room looking for the rest of the guys. It was Junno that responded first....
“ Shit...guys look.”
They all turned to see Jin heading for the balcony.
“ Hey guys...why are you all just standing here?” Jin asked and before anyone could respond he turned to get Ueda’s attention and that’s when he saw what was going on, but before anyone could stop him he was running towards Ueda.... shouting.
“ Tatsuya!” Jin shouted, all the fear he was feeling all week came to the surface. He couldn’t understand why Tatsuya was cutting his arm nor could he fathom why the rest of their friends just stood there and watched not bothering to stop him.
“ Fuck!!” was all Ueda said as Jin’s unexpected shouting made him jump 10 ft in the air, which also caused the hand holding the knife to jerk and, in turn, caused Ueda to cut so deep that his arm was now gushing blood.
Jin got to Ueda in about five steps and yanked the knife out of his grasp and threw it away as Ueda clutched his arm and dropped to his knees.
“ I guess you found out after all huh? As hard as I tried to conceal it from you, to keep you from knowing the truth it didn’t work.” Ueda said as he looked up at Jin, while the blood ran down his forearm and over his fingers. But in that moment, of all moments, Jin now understood the dreams, his jealousy, why Ueda kept haunting his dreams and his fear that something horrible had happened to him. He finally realized that it was, in fact, Ueda that he was in love with and Yamapi’s odd reasoning for breaking things off with him.
“ I want to talk to you about something.” they both said at the same time.
“ I know, but I have to get this taken care of first and then we’ll talk after wards alright?”
“ Sure Tat-chan, come on...let’s get you to the hospital.” Jin said.
But Ueda just shook his head and motioned for Koki to come over. When he got there, he looked at the cut on Ueda’s arm, where Jin had inadvertently made it deeper, and said...
“ Hmm....luckily for you, I can fix that...this time. Next time, I may not be able to...come on.” and he helped Ueda to stand up and lead the way back to his and Kame’s room, where he kept his sewing kit that he used to make the designs for his and Kame’s concert costumes.
“ Why is Koki sewing up his arm and not a doctor? Dammit, why, for that matter, did the rest of you just stand there and allow him to do such a thing.?” Jin asked tears welling up in his eyes.
“ This isn’t the first time that Koki’s done this for him and he’s never trusted doctors anyway.” Junno replied.
“ The reason as to why we didn’t stop him is simple, because its what he wanted us to do.” was all Maru said.
Jin made to follow Ueda but Kame put his hand on his arm to stop him.
“ You realized it, didn’t you?” was all Kame asked.
Jin just nodded silently, as Koki came back into Yuichi’s hotel room.
“ Then go...go to him, tell him what he’s afraid to tell you....save him, Jin. You’re the only one that can at this point.” Koki said as he hooked his arm around Kame’s slim waist.
Jin headed out the door and down the hall to where Tatsuya was waiting for him and yes, he was afraid, very afraid. He always knew and understood that Ueda was an unique individual, but he never thought that anything could ever make him do such a thing. But then again, Ueda never talked about his past with anyone, except maybe Maru.
Ueda was waiting for Jin to show up, he wasn’t sure if he could do this...in fact he knew he couldn’t. The pain and the memory of what his brother went through was too strong and too much of an influence, he would rather have it destroy him then risk losing a close friend and he seriously debated on whether or not to re-open the wound on his arm. But as he was contemplating this in his head, Jin walked in the room and both stayed silent for a bit.
“ Why?” It was Jin who had spoken first.
Ueda remained silent, seemingly deaf to Jin’s question.
“ Why?” Jin asked again.
Ueda still remained silent, “ I can’t answer his question...I can’t do this, if I do..then I’ll have lost him for sure and that can’t happen...it won’t happen, I refuse to allow it.” He thought to himself, see the thing about Ueda is that he doesn’t like to lose, he hates it actually and losing was just simply something he didn’t allow. What he doesn’t realize is that in order to win something, you have to lose something whether you like it or not, even though his trainer repeated it often enough. So lost was he in his own thoughts that he failed to notice that Jin had moved from his position by the door to sit on the bed.
“ Why, Ueda?” Jin asked for what seemed like the thousandth time, almost pleading with his friend.
Finally, turning to face Jin all Ueda wanted to say for so long got stuck in his throat and he just bring himself to say it.....
“ I am sorry Jin but I can’t answer you, I know I said we would talk but I.....”
“ Why not Tatsuya? Why won't you tell me what’s going on.? Why am I the only one that’s left in the dark when the others get to know? What are you keeping from me that’s so terrible that you’re willing to destroy yourself?”
Jin was now crying as hard, if not harder, than Kazuya was in the car when they were going to the hospital to see Koki. Upon seeing Jin’s tears....Ueda did the only thing he could think of in that moment....he ran....he ran all the way down the hall and out the front door of the hotel. He kept running, hot tears flowing from his eyes, not wanting to stop. He only stopped when he found a nice, secluded spot away from prying eyes. He liked his new hiding spot as it was dark and depressing, which was exactly how he was feeling though one could add unquestionable terror to his long list of emotions. As he sat down against the wall of the alleyway he pulled of the bandage that Koki had placed on his arm and picked up a very sharp piece of glass that was lying next to him and just sat there holding it over his arm.
Yuichi woke up that morning to a very unpleasant scene, now as it was his custom, he went out on the balcony to breathe in a bit of the fresh morning air. But on this particular morning nothing could have prepared him for the scene he saw unfolding in front of his very own eyes, he knew that Ueda was a cutter...but he never actually saw him do it before as the only one to actually witness it was Koki, naturally he freaked out.
“ Oh my....Ueda, what in name of great cesar's ghost are you doing?” But he knew that trying to grab the knife would make things worse.
“ What? This?” Ueda holds up the knife and Yuichi can see the blood dripping from the blade’s tip as Ueda turned it so it glinted in the morning sun.
“ Yes, that.”
“ I am releasing the tension I have been feeling ever since I had that dream, it doesn’t hurt as much as you think it does....but then again....I have been doing this for quite some time so I have become accustomed to the pain.” Ueda said thoughtfully as continued what he was doing as if he was never interrupted and Yuichi thought Koki had issues.
At that moment the other three came in and just watched as Ueda continued to cut his arm, no one said or did anything to stop him.
“ I see he’s trying to keep everything from destroying him, again?” Junno and Kame said at the same time, Maru and Koki just nodded.
“ Though he’s going a bit deeper than usual, another nightmare again, maru?” Koki asked
“ How did you know?”
“ I used to room with him remember?”
“ Oh yeah, I forgot.”
As the others were turning to leave Ueda to finish what he was doing, though they did make a mental note to talk to him later, Jin picked that moment to come into Ueda's and Yuichi’s room looking for the rest of the guys. It was Junno that responded first....
“ Shit...guys look.”
They all turned to see Jin heading for the balcony.
“ Hey guys...why are you all just standing here?” Jin asked and before anyone could respond he turned to get Ueda’s attention and that’s when he saw what was going on, but before anyone could stop him he was running towards Ueda.... shouting.
“ Tatsuya!” Jin shouted, all the fear he was feeling all week came to the surface. He couldn’t understand why Tatsuya was cutting his arm nor could he fathom why the rest of their friends just stood there and watched not bothering to stop him.
“ Fuck!!” was all Ueda said as Jin’s unexpected shouting made him jump 10 ft in the air, which also caused the hand holding the knife to jerk and, in turn, caused Ueda to cut so deep that his arm was now gushing blood.
Jin got to Ueda in about five steps and yanked the knife out of his grasp and threw it away as Ueda clutched his arm and dropped to his knees.
“ I guess you found out after all huh? As hard as I tried to conceal it from you, to keep you from knowing the truth it didn’t work.” Ueda said as he looked up at Jin, while the blood ran down his forearm and over his fingers. But in that moment, of all moments, Jin now understood the dreams, his jealousy, why Ueda kept haunting his dreams and his fear that something horrible had happened to him. He finally realized that it was, in fact, Ueda that he was in love with and Yamapi’s odd reasoning for breaking things off with him.
“ I want to talk to you about something.” they both said at the same time.
“ I know, but I have to get this taken care of first and then we’ll talk after wards alright?”
“ Sure Tat-chan, come on...let’s get you to the hospital.” Jin said.
But Ueda just shook his head and motioned for Koki to come over. When he got there, he looked at the cut on Ueda’s arm, where Jin had inadvertently made it deeper, and said...
“ Hmm....luckily for you, I can fix that...this time. Next time, I may not be able to...come on.” and he helped Ueda to stand up and lead the way back to his and Kame’s room, where he kept his sewing kit that he used to make the designs for his and Kame’s concert costumes.
“ Why is Koki sewing up his arm and not a doctor? Dammit, why, for that matter, did the rest of you just stand there and allow him to do such a thing.?” Jin asked tears welling up in his eyes.
“ This isn’t the first time that Koki’s done this for him and he’s never trusted doctors anyway.” Junno replied.
“ The reason as to why we didn’t stop him is simple, because its what he wanted us to do.” was all Maru said.
Jin made to follow Ueda but Kame put his hand on his arm to stop him.
“ You realized it, didn’t you?” was all Kame asked.
Jin just nodded silently, as Koki came back into Yuichi’s hotel room.
“ Then go...go to him, tell him what he’s afraid to tell you....save him, Jin. You’re the only one that can at this point.” Koki said as he hooked his arm around Kame’s slim waist.
Jin headed out the door and down the hall to where Tatsuya was waiting for him and yes, he was afraid, very afraid. He always knew and understood that Ueda was an unique individual, but he never thought that anything could ever make him do such a thing. But then again, Ueda never talked about his past with anyone, except maybe Maru.
Ueda was waiting for Jin to show up, he wasn’t sure if he could do this...in fact he knew he couldn’t. The pain and the memory of what his brother went through was too strong and too much of an influence, he would rather have it destroy him then risk losing a close friend and he seriously debated on whether or not to re-open the wound on his arm. But as he was contemplating this in his head, Jin walked in the room and both stayed silent for a bit.
“ Why?” It was Jin who had spoken first.
Ueda remained silent, seemingly deaf to Jin’s question.
“ Why?” Jin asked again.
Ueda still remained silent, “ I can’t answer his question...I can’t do this, if I do..then I’ll have lost him for sure and that can’t happen...it won’t happen, I refuse to allow it.” He thought to himself, see the thing about Ueda is that he doesn’t like to lose, he hates it actually and losing was just simply something he didn’t allow. What he doesn’t realize is that in order to win something, you have to lose something whether you like it or not, even though his trainer repeated it often enough. So lost was he in his own thoughts that he failed to notice that Jin had moved from his position by the door to sit on the bed.
“ Why, Ueda?” Jin asked for what seemed like the thousandth time, almost pleading with his friend.
Finally, turning to face Jin all Ueda wanted to say for so long got stuck in his throat and he just bring himself to say it.....
“ I am sorry Jin but I can’t answer you, I know I said we would talk but I.....”
“ Why not Tatsuya? Why won't you tell me what’s going on.? Why am I the only one that’s left in the dark when the others get to know? What are you keeping from me that’s so terrible that you’re willing to destroy yourself?”
Jin was now crying as hard, if not harder, than Kazuya was in the car when they were going to the hospital to see Koki. Upon seeing Jin’s tears....Ueda did the only thing he could think of in that moment....he ran....he ran all the way down the hall and out the front door of the hotel. He kept running, hot tears flowing from his eyes, not wanting to stop. He only stopped when he found a nice, secluded spot away from prying eyes. He liked his new hiding spot as it was dark and depressing, which was exactly how he was feeling though one could add unquestionable terror to his long list of emotions. As he sat down against the wall of the alleyway he pulled of the bandage that Koki had placed on his arm and picked up a very sharp piece of glass that was lying next to him and just sat there holding it over his arm.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-01-02 10:45 pm (UTC)From:n ur jinda part is somehow longer than kokame, or was it just my imagination?? haha...
btw, mrs.koki, thanks for updating... ur fic is giving me a break of all those KT members insulting regarding jin's leaving since the DVD is out. somehow i'm tired of those fans who didnt get over it... it's annoying to the max~ T_T
it feels good to read something like this after all that...
no subject
Date: 2011-01-03 04:45 am (UTC)From:Do you really think Koki would do something so un-hygenic? I just didn't write that part of the story as it's not really relevent. It probably is longer than KoKame's half, mainly I want to do my favorite Jin pairing justice and KoKame's half is going to be continued in my next KoKame fic.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-03 05:01 am (UTC)From:gonna pick ur way on handling this~ :)
*cuddles*
haha... ok, ok... who undo the stitches anyway?? lol~
JinDa is my fav jin pairing t0o~! well, aside Pin though... (jin n yamapi)
uh~ i want to read the kokame sequel~ *purr*
hehe... i'm in my kodomo mood now~ :P
no subject
Date: 2011-01-03 05:38 am (UTC)From:No one undid the stitches...yet. Ueda just took the bandage off his to expose the stitches, I am not sure how I want to work that out yet. I like Pin as well. I am glad you want to read the sequel and since when could you purr? What, exactly, is Kodomo anyway?
no subject
Date: 2011-01-03 07:20 am (UTC)From:hehe... i love being pampered sometimes despite being an adult already, esp after having an emotional imbalance~ (after that stupid KT arguments) hehe... n i just suddenly feel like purring when i got in the 'kodomo mood'... this was my first time purring though~ lol~ :P
no subject
Date: 2011-01-03 08:24 am (UTC)From:They're stupid so just ignore them..*cuddles*